You know a long sermon is coming when:

1. You’re asked to bring a covered dish to share during the sermon.

2. There are coffee pots at the end of each pew

3. All the clocks in the sanctuary are missing and you’re asked to surrender watches at the door.

4. The ushers hand out snacks and cold drinks during the sermon.

5. The sermon notes are carried in by seven ushers.

6. An ambulance crew is standing by.

7. The pastor is hooked up to an intravenous coffee line.

8. The ushers ask if you’ll need overnight accommodations and a wake up call.

9. Your kids ask if it’s still Sunday.

10. The bulletin announces that the longer the sermon goes the more frequent flier miles you’ll earn.